"Children do not need to be made to learn, or shown how.
They want to and they know how."
- John Holt, author of How Children Learn
Holt spent many years teaching, observing, and learning from children, but any parent can see that children are born wanting to grow up to be part of the adult world. They are so curious and eager that it seems almost impossible to keep up with their drive to do and learn everything.
Then at some point learning gets separated from the rest of life and turned into schooling. We are taught that learning means sitting still, doing as you're told. Insatiable, passionate learners are turned into bored, rebellious, frightened or passive students. Loving parents become frustrated and burned out teachers. There must be a better way!
The good news is there are lots of parents and children who are growing without schooling -- living/learning in their own way, at their own pace, without text books, lessons, tests or coercion. And there are more and more stories of unschooled children who grow up to be happy, confident, competent adults doing meaningful and satisfying work. Ready to give unschooling a try? Here's my handy list of reminders for letting go of schooling and enjoying a REAL LIFE:
R - Relax. It sounds easy, but it takes practice. Being a parent may just be the most difficult challenge of our lives. When you start to feel stress coming on, take a breath, take a hike, take a nap; take up knitting or square dancing or scuba diving. Take it one day (or one moment) at a time.
E - Enjoy. The challenges of parenting are great and the rewards are even greater. The years go by so quickly -- embrace each stage and welcome the changes. If you take pictures, write a journal or make a scrapbook, you can enjoy it again when the children are grown and the house is quiet and orderly.
A - Accept and acknowledge the absolutely amazing, awesome and authentic
individuals who share your life. Allow them to "be how they grow."
L - Love is the greatest gift. Giving is receiving. One of Ned's last wishes was that he had told his kids more often how much he loves them. He said, “I want everybody to know that love is the most important thing!”
L - Learn from and learn with your children. Learn to play, learn a new skill, learn about yourself. Learn to trust, learn to let go. Look how your children are learning! Listen. Laugh lots. Living is learning. Teaching is largely unnecessary.
I - Investigate intriguing ideas. Interest leads to learning. It's an infinite and interconnected universe of ideas and information. One thing leads to another -- you can start anywhere, stop when you've had enough. Improvise. It's impossible to predict exactly which skills or knowledge will be needed in ten or twenty years.
F - Fearlessly forgive and forget. Schooling forced us to be fearful; unschooling encourages us to be brave. Have the courage to fail. We all make mistakes. Forgive yourself and forge ahead. "Forget everything you learned in school." Did your first boss tell you that? It's still good advice. Have fun. Have faith. Fool around. Be flexible. Fix something. Fourish.
E - Expect miracles. Encourage and enable exploration. Eschew ersatz
educational edicts. Embody the traits you wish to pass on. Empower your
children (and yourself) to experiment, to engage in a life worth living and
work worth doing.
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